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Living in the Past

by Ghoul for a Goblin

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1.
I felt a drop when I left your apartment it didn't pour until I reached the train station underground on a platform where a drunker girl might be a rail risk among thieves and junkies I don't mind waiting and their cynical eyes on my pen and notepad so small it fits in my back pocket well I don't mind the way they look tonight You said we could watch the sun come up from your apartment a smile on your face before we met eyes grin so bright and eyes so wide you asked do I like movies not so much but I like what you have in mind and those lonely eyes so chilly on Michigan avenue a hand that fits in your coat pocket and I don't mind the things we'll do tonight (non committal but feeling I can't hide) You said we could watch the sun come up from your apartment I hope it keeps raining until then so we don't have to leave the clouds giving little reprieve over you and me (it wasn't too much) You said (it wasn't too soon) we could watch the sun come up (was it the right thing to do) from your apartment (it wasn't too much) (it wasn't too soon) (was it the right thing to do) stop thinking and just be happy(it wasn't too much) stop thinking and just be happy[I hope] stop thinking and just be happy(it wasn't too soon) stop thinking and just be happy[it keeps raining] stop thinking and just be happy(was it the right thing to do) stop thinking and just be happy[until then] stop thinking and just be happy
2.
all the bad dreams i've been so grateful to wake up from: i'd live them all if i could just erase the last twenty-four hours. switch reality, though it might eat at me: the knowledge that i'm avoiding choosing that which truth brings. taking the path of the coward. everyone's got someone they used to care about much more. we're all living in the past. i'd like to wipe clean everything: memories that my mind would store. but i'd be a victim of deja vu every time i see your lovely face. you're so cute when you're smiling, though i know that you're lying; a surefire sign that i'm losing what you gave to me because it was never mine to take.
3.
i wish you would've moved to michigan, at the centerfold of all of the great lakes so if the land ever collapses there'll be no good way to escape. spring is here; i think i miss her. you're moving on again; i'm stuck here in the winter. and fall was two seasons ago. i wish that wedding would've been the death of us. the irony wouldn't be lost on me. empty flasks under white table cloth. they've got the handcuffs but who has got the key. i should've known it when you said you'd never find love like that, "so don't even waste your time." i begged and pleaded that you'd just let loose and you sat in the corner while we danced the conga line. i wish i would've skipped halloween that year; it's such a pagan holiday. underage kids boozing in a garage isn't my cup of tea anyway. another excuse just to hide all our faces. i should've known it when you spilled your drink on me. i said, "that's cute, in a pathetic sort of way." i should've got up, walked away, and left things be. joanie's got a new boyfriend and i'm hanging in the basement. to say the last year's been a waste is an understatement.
4.
Cool 03:55
no, i hadn't picked up on the hints. not sure when i became oblivious. clouded judgment? i'm hoping not. raining thoughts. no fear of being caught. this is years in the making, so what are we waiting for? you dropped a bomb on me without warning. can you promise me you'll feel this in the morning? four years ago, i don't remember the exact date, you became a stain i couldn't get off of my brain. not that i tried to scrub and wipe it clean; i wanted to keep you close to me. counting down the days until "eventually." "it's only awkward if you make it awkward."
5.
Smitten 03:07
the way I gently kiss your neck got goosebumps forming on your legs we could lay upon this beach until the sun comes up or we get pulled out to sea hey hey I heard that you were Smitten And you haven't even heard a single word that I have written hey hey I heard that you were Smitten And you haven't even heard a single word that I have written there's nothing I would rather do then spend my whole night here with you the way I gently kiss your head your eyes are closing in my head baby I can hardly sleep can't wait until morning when our eyes open and meet hey hey I heard that you were Smitten And you haven't even heard a single word that I have written there's nowhere you would rather be then spending your night here with me I gotta wonder if you're even listening when your eyes are doing all of the speaking I start to thin that I should just stay home and live my life there all alone how could I think that this is real when you don't know the way I feel when all I really want to hear is my words echoing so clear hey hey I heard that you were Smitten And you haven't even heard a single word that I have written there's nothing I would rather do there's nothing I would rather do then spend my whole night here with you
6.
D-Movies 04:05
sometimes i'll pretend to be scared of the dark just to hold you close and know where you are. it's thursday. it's movie night and things aren't the same until you turn out the lights. if i could i swear i'd watch every bad movie that you wanted. so i'll quit the job that i don't have, show up late to all my classes, and shortchange all of my friends, hoping this movie just doesn't end. watching chick flicks isn't really the battle; it's watching movies with "chick" in the title and forcing out an occasional laugh. to be quite honest, it's not that bad. it just gets a bit annoying the way you treat the movies like your ipod: stuck on repeat. please don't roll the credits. someone just hit the lights, but please don't roll the credits.

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released February 29, 2020

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Ghoul for a Goblin Chicago, Illinois

sometimes sjr likes to make music. often times he doesn't.

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